Baby Owen Paul Micheal Drury

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A REALLY BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF OWENS GTS AUNTIES FOR KEEPING HIS CANDLES FLOWING IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME AND HIS FAMILY, MY LOVE TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU xXxXx

Owen was and still is a very special little boy and a little fighter we are all very proud of him. He left behind a heartbroken mummy and daddy, big brother Ryan, big sisters Lauren, jade and Ellie. Also his two grandmas, his grandad and lots more people who loved him very much.

It all started when I went for my 20 week scan, me and his daddy were very excited, I never thought for a moment anything would be wrong, the lady ran the scanner over my tummy and checked everything was were it should be and it was, but when she checked his heart she said it wasn't right, We were taken into another room to wait for a more detailed scan, so once again I laid on the bed, terrified of what I was going to hear. The lady scanned his heart and said it was very abnormal, his right side hadn’t developed properly, there were a number of complications. I couldn’t really take in much of what she was saying We were taken into another room and we were asked if we wanted to terminate my pregnancy, but we wanted our little boy so much, and whatever problems he had we would cope with them.

After lots of hospital appointments and scans,he was diagnosed with hypoplastic right heart syndrome. We decided it would be best for me to be induced, and give birth to him in a hospital were they were better equipped to deal with his problems.

November 6th was the day we were going to meet our son, we were so excited and scared, we took our other 3 children to school kissed them goodbye, it was so hard leaving them knowing we weren’t going to see them for another 2 weeks. We were going to stay at the hospital with him, we went home got our things and went to get the train.

We arrived at Leeds general infirmary and got settled in, I was induced at 3 pm and my waters were broken at 9 pm my labour was short and Owen came into the world very quickly at 12:05am November 7th, he weighed 5lb 3oz and he was so beautiful and he looked really healthy. We had a little cuddle with him and took some photos before he was taken to the nicu.

He was given a medicine that kept the duct in his heart open, and had to have an operation to have a shunt fitted, which was scheduled for November 13th. We had 6 days with him, so we could feed him change him and have lots of cuddles with him, my mum brought our 3 other children to see him and they all had a cuddle with him,

Owens operation was the first one of the day, so we went down early to spend some time with him before the operation, after talking to the doctors and signing the consent forms, Owen was taken into theatre, it was a 5hr operation, so me and his dad went out for a walk, we got back just before he was brought out of theatre, the operation went well, we were so relived, we just sat in the family room and cried, the worst was over, so we thought.

We were told that Owen would be in intensive care for about 2 days then go back onto the ward to put his weight on before he could come home, but a week later he was still there, I was hoping he would be on the mend before his dad had to go home. But he contracted an infection called NEC his tummy was very swollen, and so was his whole body, he didn’t look like our baby, When Owen got the infection we were told that they rarely have to operate, but that same night the nurse called our room and said that Owens intestines had perforated and had to have an operation to remove the bits of intestines that had died, unfortunately most of it had, he was left with 30cm, they said that if he lost anymore that he wouldn’t be compatible with life, through all what he was going through he was so brave, he knew who mummy and daddy was, he would open his eyes and stare at me when he heard my voice.

He seemed to be doing so well, id phoned my husband (he had to go home after two weeks) to tell him they were taking Owens chest drains out and he was doing really well, but on that same night the doctors called me to a room, and said that Owen was really poorly and that he wasn’t strong enough to go through any more operations, I was on my own at the time so the doctor phoned my husband and told him to come straight to the hospital, that was Thursday night, on Saturday we were told that the chances of Owen pulling through was very slim, and we were asked if he arrests do we want him to be resuscitated, it was such a hard decision to make, but they told us that if he did, it was his way of telling us that he had had enough, we decided that we would let him go peacefully, they also said that his tummy was like an acid pit, he was on as much morphine as he was allowed and he was sedated because he kept fighting the ventilator and he needed to rest, Sunday night 3rd December the nurses asked me if I wanted to hold him, I was so excited, so was my husband, then as they were getting him out of his cot it dawned on me why, he was giving up, our little boy had been through so much and now he was tired of fighting, I held him for a short while but it was so hard knowing that we were losing him but he had done what we had asked of him and fought all the way, we were so proud of him. He was put back in his cot, and we went to get some air, as we got outside the nurse came running out and said that we should go straight back up, his sats were dropping, but as we got there they went back up. So we sat with our little boy, held his hand and took lots of photos of him, it was the worst feeling ever sat there waiting for your child to die, not knowing how long it would be, I felt like someone was tearing my insides out, after a couple of hours he was still stable so we went for a short walk to wake ourselves up, when we got back I held him again, but this time I didn’t want to let go, as soon as I got hold of him, his heart rate dropped so quickly, I cried so much I thought id never stop, my heart hurt so much I thought I was going with him, it was the worst feeling in the world, the doctors asked if we wanted them to take out his breathing tubes, we agreed it was time to let him go, so we went into the family room while they took out his drips and they brought him to us, they kept his morphine going so he wasn’t in any pain, his daddy held him while he went to sleep, I wanted to hold him so much but I couldn’t handle it, he just looked so peaceful, 2:45am 4th December he was 27 days old. The nurses cleaned him up and put him in his winnie the pooh outfit, he looked beautiful, I didn’t hold him again till the morning, I didn’t want to put him down we took photos of him and told him how proud we were of him, then we had to leave him there and go home.

His funeral was the 12th December and it was a beautiful service, I wrote a poem for him and it was read out, the hardest thing was leaving him there knowing we were never going to see him again.

Although your not here with us sweet little angel, you will live on in our hearts forever, goodnight sweetheart love and miss you so much, X x X x X x X
please visit owens other site at
http://owen-drury-littleman-0711.memory-of.com
with no gaps

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

i wrote this poem just after our little one went to sleep with the angels


our precious little owen

our precious little angel
our beautiful baby boy
your time with us was very short
but you brought us so much joy

you was always blowing bubbles
and you hated to be touched
but you knew your mammy and daddy
and we loved you very much

we sat beside your bed each day
and stroked your tiny head
we prayed you'd find the strength to fight
and you listened to what we said

you fought so hard to stay with us
but little did we know
that god had other plans for you
and we had to let you go

you slipped away so peacefully
in your daddys arms that night
we cuddled you and kissed you
and held on to you so tight

you will always be our littleman
and we'll always be proud of you
keep blowing your bubbles in heaven sweetheart
and we'll keep blowing them too

you touched the hearts of every one
your such a special littleman
let the angels take good care of you
untill mammy and daddy can


goodnight god bless

our precious little boy love and miss u so much
always and forever

love mammy and daddy
x x x x x x x x x x x

born 07-11-06 went to sleep with the angels 04-12-06

I know they say god needed you
But sweetheart so did i
I didnt want to let you go
I didnt want to say goodbye

Now im the mummy of an angel
That flys with wings above
It hurt to let u go that night
But you went with so much love

The day you left our world
My heart just broke in two
One half stayed here aching
The other half went with you

You were my little pride and joy
The apple of my eye
My darling little baby boy
Now your that bright star in the sky

written by mammy
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


Me And My Daddy

Daddy you’ll never walk alone
I’ll be beside you every day
I’m right there while your working
And hear everything you say

I know you love me daddy
And miss me so much to
But been strong for mummy
Is something you must do

I love you so much daddy
And I know you’ll be ok
Just remember im always with you
Each and every passing day
love you lots
A.T.W.A.B.A

written by mammy
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

For our baby brother

Hush little owen,
don't cry at all.
Your sister will hold you so,
you don't fall.
The grass is green,
and the sky is blue.
Your sister Jadie is here for you.

Hush little owen,
don't cry at all.
Your brother will hold you so,
you don't fall.
The grass is green,
and the sky is blue.
Your brother ryan is here for you.

Hush little owen,
don't cry at all.
Your sister will hold you so,
you don't fall.
The grass is green,
and the sky is blue.
Your sister ellie-mae is here for you.

Hush little owen,
don't cry at all.
Your sister will hold you so,
you don't fall.
The grass is green,
and the sky is blue.
Your sister lauren is here for you.

miss and love you for ever littleman
your ever loving brother and sisters
ryan , lauren, jadie, and ellie-mae

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

God saw he was getting tired
And a cure was not to be
So He put His arms around him
And whispered, “Come with Me.‿
With tearful eyes we watched him suffer
And saw him fade away.
Although we loved him dearly,
We could not make him stay.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief, Since
"men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break
And dries her tears and comforts her
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave
he lost his baby too


x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
some people only dream of angels, i held one in my arms
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Angel Baby

A heartbeat falls silent.
Tiny eyes close.
A miniature body
no longer grows.
Mommy is shattered
Daddy is sad.
Fate has erased
the plans that they had.
Through all of the grief
that leaves their hearts torn,
there's peace in knowing
an angel was born

If Tears could Build A Stairway. And memories, A lane. I'd Walk Right Up to Heaven. And Bring you Home Again"

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

You Never Said Goodbye

You never said I'm leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God knew why
A million times we needed you,
A million times we cried
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I'm going to tell you something
I hope you'll never have to know.
I'll tell you how a heart can break
And tears can constant flow.
I lost my baby boy you see,
An angel in my eyes
God chose to take his hand one day
And led him to the skies.
But please do not forget my child
he was a person too
And forever he will live
Inside of me and you.
So, please don't ever tell me
That time will heal my pain
Because not even time
Can bring him back again.
Just tell me he is happy
In that land way up above
he's snuggled in an angels wings
All wrapped in Mommy's love.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

JUST SAY "i'M SORRY"
You don't know how I feel
Please don't tell me that you do.
There's just one way to know--have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child!"--must I hear this each day?
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?
Don't say it was "God's will"--
That's not the God I know,
Would God on purpose break my heart,
Then watch as my tears flow?
"Aren't you better yet?"
Is that what I heard you say?
NO! A part of my heart aches--
I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind,
But it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
Who has gone through death's door.
Don't say these things to me,
Although you do mean well.
They do not take away the pain away;
I must go through this hell.
I will be better--slow but sure--
And it helps to have you near.
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child"
is all I need to hear.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

My nephew Owen

For those who don’t know
And them who cant hear
I had a little nephew
Who is no longer here

He was really brave
And put up a fight
And was always blowing bubbles
To all our delight

But then the time came
When he could no longer fight
And he saw the angels
In the bright light

My nephew was young
And it seemed so wrong
But god had a plan
And doesn’t get it wrong

So when you see a bubble
Flying in the air
Always remember
Its going somewhere

All my love sweet littleman
Your ever loving uncle
Tony

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


A Dad Hurts Too

People don't always see the tears a dad cries,
His heart is broken too when his child dies.
He tries to hold it together and be strong,
Even though his world's gone wrong.

He holds his wife as her tears fall,
Comforts her through it all,
He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.

So when he's alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come like falling rain,
His world has crashed in around him,
And a world that was once bright has gone dim.

He feels he has to be strong for others,
But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down.

He smiles through his tears,
He struggles and holds in his fears,
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don't always show how they really feel.

So I'd like to ask a favor of you,
The next time you see a mother hurting
over the loss of her child,
please remember.....a Dad hurts too.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Dear Mommy,

Please don't be so sad,
I miss you so much, too.
It's beautiful here where I am
But I worry a lot about you.
I sleep with angels watching me,
There's only love up here...
I'm never lonely or afraid,
'Cause God's so very near.
I walk with Jesus every day
He's very kind and sweet.
Don't worry mom; He holds my hand
When we cross a golden street.
I never cry or hurt myself
I see Grandma everyday...
I play and laugh and sing a lot
And I hear you when you pray.
Please mommy, don't be mad at God
You see, He loves me too,
And even though you're not with me
I'm really still with you.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


If we could have a lifetime wish
and one dream that could come true
We would pray to God with all our
hearts just to see and speak to you
A thousand words won’t bring you back
We know because we’ve tried
and neither will a million tears
We know because we’ve cried
You’ve left behind our broken hearts
and precious memories too
But we’ve never wanted memories
We only wanted you

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mom how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am Here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom,
With all the lies you told.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

May I Go Now?

Do you think that the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be
So, can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first.
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving Light.
I want to go.
I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and are afraid
because I see your tears.
I'll not be far--I promise that
and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you,
wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too,
that's why it's hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today.


Author unknown

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Visitor From Heaven

A visitor from heaven, if only for a while,
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile.
A visitor from heaven accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love and of a better place.
With aching hearts and empty arms
we send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go,
but were so glad you came.

X x X x X x X x X x X

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart;
You start squirming in your chair.

Everyone avoids me now,
because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that cheek,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's all right if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

X x X x X x X x X

Think of Me

Think of me and know I am with you,
Think of me and smile.
Think of me and know that our parting
Is only for a while.

On the days that you feel so desperate
To see my smiling face,
Just believe in your heart I am with you
And that I'm in a beautiful place.

So think of me and remember,
All the memories in your heart,
And believe and know that this is true,
We are never really apart

X x X x X x X